The Early Result

Crushed.

I did an early pregnancy test today. You know the ones where you can test for the presence of the hCG hormone in your urine stream?

hCG stands for human chorionic gonadotropin (try saying that with a mouthful of marbles!). When you're pregnant, your body produces this particular hormone, and small amounts of it can be detected as early as six days before your period.

Not all pregnancy tests can detect small amounts of this hormone, so you have to purchase the one that specifies "early pregnancy test".

So yeah, back to feeling defeated.

I know, It's only been four months and I shouldn't complain, but because of my challenges with endometriosis and possibly not being able to conceive naturally as my GP and gyno suspects, each negative result is a reminder of these challenges and begs the questions, "Am I not conceiving because, on average, it takes longer than four months to conceive?" Or, "Am I not pregnant because certain hardware 'down there' isn't functioning properly?"

The answer, for now, remains a mystery, and without fully knowing exactly whether I can conceive naturally or not, we're trying blind.

Hence, this is why really, for the first time, I am disappointed. I've been fine all the other times. I guess in three months, I've been too busy mentally preparing myself, and educating myself: taking the appropriate vitamins, cutting out alcohol and my beloved coffee (god, i miss coffee!,) exercising, getting used to drinking that Chinese herbal liquid vomit twice daily, and so on.

Now that I've perfected my routine, there's little else to do but keep tryin!

Ax