Crushed.
I did an early pregnancy test today. You know the ones where you can test for the presence of the hCG hormone in your urine stream?
hCG stands for human chorionic gonadotropin (try saying that with a mouthful of marbles!). When you're pregnant, your body produces this particular hormone, and small amounts of it can be detected as early as six days before your period.
Not all pregnancy tests can detect small amounts of this hormone, so you have to purchase the one that specifies "early pregnancy test".
So yeah, back to feeling defeated.
I know, It's only been four months and I shouldn't complain, but because of my challenges with endometriosis and possibly not being able to conceive naturally as my GP and gyno suspects, each negative result is a reminder of these challenges and begs the questions, "Am I not conceiving because, on average, it takes longer than four months to conceive?" Or, "Am I not pregnant because certain hardware 'down there' isn't functioning properly?"
The answer, for now, remains a mystery, and without fully knowing exactly whether I can conceive naturally or not, we're trying blind.
Hence, this is why really, for the first time, I am disappointed. I've been fine all the other times. I guess in three months, I've been too busy mentally preparing myself, and educating myself: taking the appropriate vitamins, cutting out alcohol and my beloved coffee (god, i miss coffee!,) exercising, getting used to drinking that Chinese herbal liquid vomit twice daily, and so on.
Now that I've perfected my routine, there's little else to do but keep tryin!
Ax
Wednesday, April 6, 2011
Monday, April 4, 2011
The Waiting Period
This is the period of your er... period... that baby books describe as the most anxious time of the month for women trying to conceive. The two weeks they have to wait for them to get their period, or see that second pink little line they daydream about.
It’s not like you can just go on with your life and pretend not to think about it. It’s always there. "How long do i have until my next period?". "how many days are left before I can do an early pregnancy test"?
For couples who don’t have to hear the tick of the biological clock, having unprotected sex, with the attitude of, ‘if it happens, it happens’, this is definitely not THAT situation.
I have a clock, its ticking louder, so this is the longest two weeks of each month.
You want the clock to shut the hell up, but it won’t. Why? Because you so want to be a Mum. And you want to give a child to the Dad.
Not to mention the ‘study’ and effort that goes with trying to fall pregnant. Tri-monthly visits to the acupuncturist whose clinic is almost an hour away; a twice daily gagging session after drinking this god-awful Chinese magic fertility-improving powder; reading up on fertility; googling; researching; discussing with girlfriends; downing a million vitamins a day; buying baby magazines……
Ahhhh the list – or should I say, obsession – goes on.
And when you put that much effort into it, those two weeks go by awfullyyyyyyyyyyy slowlyyyyyyyyy.
It’s not like you can just go on with your life and pretend not to think about it. It’s always there. "How long do i have until my next period?". "how many days are left before I can do an early pregnancy test"?
For couples who don’t have to hear the tick of the biological clock, having unprotected sex, with the attitude of, ‘if it happens, it happens’, this is definitely not THAT situation.
I have a clock, its ticking louder, so this is the longest two weeks of each month.
You want the clock to shut the hell up, but it won’t. Why? Because you so want to be a Mum. And you want to give a child to the Dad.
Not to mention the ‘study’ and effort that goes with trying to fall pregnant. Tri-monthly visits to the acupuncturist whose clinic is almost an hour away; a twice daily gagging session after drinking this god-awful Chinese magic fertility-improving powder; reading up on fertility; googling; researching; discussing with girlfriends; downing a million vitamins a day; buying baby magazines……
Ahhhh the list – or should I say, obsession – goes on.
And when you put that much effort into it, those two weeks go by awfullyyyyyyyyyyy slowlyyyyyyyyy.
Sunday, March 27, 2011
Good students
Soooooooooooooooooo…. We practiceddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddd (insert coy expression here).
It all went well and, if you want further details, you’re not getting any. Sorry.
Some things must stay sacred, wouldn’t you agree?
Ok so, I need to bring you all up to date, here. So, we practiced, and we practiced some more. Apart from all the other months when we weren’t exactly the best students, this month, we over studied. I think I tired poor hubby out!
So, today is Day 14 – ovulation day. And it seems to all be happening just when Dr. Wow said it would.
So, Sat, I surged. Sunday, the surge was still happening. And, today, it stopped so according to the Ovulation Test people, “ovulation occurs sometime in the day and a half following the first day of the LH surge”.
So, smack bang on target, today is the holy day.
To be totally blunt, you also have to seriously let your fingers to do walking, talking and gawking.
Poking and proding to be more precise. Read on to find out why:
1. Clean nominated finger.
2. Two, strip from waist down
3. Stick clean finger up there
4. Reach as high as you can
5. And feel for your cervix.
Gone too far? We’re all friends by now, aren’t we?
To share some important information, the cervix should be tested throughout your whole cycle when you’re trying to have a baby. When you’re ovulating, your cervix needs to be high, soft and open. If you’re testing your cervix any other time, it’ll be low, hard and closed.
So, what all this means is that when you’re about to ovulate, the cervix sits higher and becomes soft so the sperm hasto swim through it, and past it, to the fallopian tubes, where it swims around, waiting to race after the egg that’s been released. This is the only time of the cycle your cervix will be soft, high and open.
While it sounds very confusing and freaky at the moment, trust me, when you start poking up there throughout your cycle, you’ll soon learn what soft, high and open means. Soon after ovulation day, the cervix will lower, feel closed and become hard again.
I got all this information from what’s become my baby-making BIBLE. It’s called “Making Babies” by Sami. S David MD, and Jill Blakeway, Lac.
I’m not in the medical profession so can only share what I’ve learnt, but all readers must consult experts whether in a book or in person for advice on how to conceive, as everyone’s different.
But, if you want one piece of advice – buy this book. I found it hard to find in Sydney, but you can get it on amazon and it only took a few days to arrive. I was so excited to recieve and it’s fun and easy to read. Go buy it!
Oh and, happy poking. It’s kinda fun to follow your body through the ovulation process and once you start doing the cervix test, it’s becomes as normal as going to the bathroom. Just wait and see.
Ax
It all went well and, if you want further details, you’re not getting any. Sorry.
Some things must stay sacred, wouldn’t you agree?
Ok so, I need to bring you all up to date, here. So, we practiced, and we practiced some more. Apart from all the other months when we weren’t exactly the best students, this month, we over studied. I think I tired poor hubby out!
So, today is Day 14 – ovulation day. And it seems to all be happening just when Dr. Wow said it would.
So, Sat, I surged. Sunday, the surge was still happening. And, today, it stopped so according to the Ovulation Test people, “ovulation occurs sometime in the day and a half following the first day of the LH surge”.
So, smack bang on target, today is the holy day.
To be totally blunt, you also have to seriously let your fingers to do walking, talking and gawking.
Poking and proding to be more precise. Read on to find out why:
1. Clean nominated finger.
2. Two, strip from waist down
3. Stick clean finger up there
4. Reach as high as you can
5. And feel for your cervix.
Gone too far? We’re all friends by now, aren’t we?
To share some important information, the cervix should be tested throughout your whole cycle when you’re trying to have a baby. When you’re ovulating, your cervix needs to be high, soft and open. If you’re testing your cervix any other time, it’ll be low, hard and closed.
So, what all this means is that when you’re about to ovulate, the cervix sits higher and becomes soft so the sperm hasto swim through it, and past it, to the fallopian tubes, where it swims around, waiting to race after the egg that’s been released. This is the only time of the cycle your cervix will be soft, high and open.
While it sounds very confusing and freaky at the moment, trust me, when you start poking up there throughout your cycle, you’ll soon learn what soft, high and open means. Soon after ovulation day, the cervix will lower, feel closed and become hard again.
I got all this information from what’s become my baby-making BIBLE. It’s called “Making Babies” by Sami. S David MD, and Jill Blakeway, Lac.
I’m not in the medical profession so can only share what I’ve learnt, but all readers must consult experts whether in a book or in person for advice on how to conceive, as everyone’s different.
But, if you want one piece of advice – buy this book. I found it hard to find in Sydney, but you can get it on amazon and it only took a few days to arrive. I was so excited to recieve and it’s fun and easy to read. Go buy it!
Oh and, happy poking. It’s kinda fun to follow your body through the ovulation process and once you start doing the cervix test, it’s becomes as normal as going to the bathroom. Just wait and see.
Ax
The Surge and the Silence
Yippee! I surged.
I actually tested for LH again last night just to make sure I didn’t start surging last night, which would have meant we would have had a smaller window to ‘practice’, and it was still pinkless. So good to see the surge occurred as it did last time, so I have a day and a half to get jiggy on it with my Prince.
Oh, the pressure to have hot, romantic sex by the clock. Trust me, not so romantic.
I don’t want some test to tell me when we have to have sex! So, for the past three months, it hasn’t exactly been a trip to Luna Park during ovulation time. There’s the rush to get home when you’ve been out. There’s the “who brings it up first” game of silence you play, not wanting to put pressure on the other person. There’s the fights you have when you’re too scared to bring it up and the other person goes to bed, and so on and so forth.
So basically, I dread it around ovulation time. It’s like an exam creeping up and you desperately hope you go well.
So, after doing a shocking job the last three months, Andy and I resolved we’d do much better this time, like hug lots, talk lots, and prepare lots. And prepare he has! He’s finally learnt not to argue with me if I ask him to free his love sacks a few days before ovulation by wearing boxer shorts instead of his beloved briefs. He’s also been taking man-vitamins, banning drinking a few days before, and eating better.
The pressure to conceive and give a baby not only to myself, but my partner who SO wants to be a father isn’t hard enough without knowing you’re doing a crap job of preparing yourself for a good chance at ovulation.
But, he’s been an angel, and I’m really thankful for that.
Ax
I actually tested for LH again last night just to make sure I didn’t start surging last night, which would have meant we would have had a smaller window to ‘practice’, and it was still pinkless. So good to see the surge occurred as it did last time, so I have a day and a half to get jiggy on it with my Prince.
Oh, the pressure to have hot, romantic sex by the clock. Trust me, not so romantic.
I don’t want some test to tell me when we have to have sex! So, for the past three months, it hasn’t exactly been a trip to Luna Park during ovulation time. There’s the rush to get home when you’ve been out. There’s the “who brings it up first” game of silence you play, not wanting to put pressure on the other person. There’s the fights you have when you’re too scared to bring it up and the other person goes to bed, and so on and so forth.
So basically, I dread it around ovulation time. It’s like an exam creeping up and you desperately hope you go well.
So, after doing a shocking job the last three months, Andy and I resolved we’d do much better this time, like hug lots, talk lots, and prepare lots. And prepare he has! He’s finally learnt not to argue with me if I ask him to free his love sacks a few days before ovulation by wearing boxer shorts instead of his beloved briefs. He’s also been taking man-vitamins, banning drinking a few days before, and eating better.
The pressure to conceive and give a baby not only to myself, but my partner who SO wants to be a father isn’t hard enough without knowing you’re doing a crap job of preparing yourself for a good chance at ovulation.
But, he’s been an angel, and I’m really thankful for that.
Ax
Anna 4:11 (aside from being biblical, it's attempt 4, day 11)
Today is Day 11. On a 28 day cycle (I’ve been lucky to have a regular cycle for years), you’re supposed to test for the LH Surge on Day 12 as that’s when the surge is more than likely to happen. It lasts 36 hours so finishes on the Day 14 – the day I’m most likely to ovulate on a 28 day cycle.
Gettit?
Sorry if you’re lost. Just post a comment telling me I’d never make it as a teacher, and I’ll try and explain better.
So anyway, just in case I decide to ovulate early this cycle, I tested for the surge today. No surge. Should surge tomorrow. Will be confused if I don’t surge because last month, which happened to be the first month I tested for LH, I surged on Day 12. I was very excited. After having a GP telling me to go straight to IVF, and a gyno telling hubby and I to hurry the hell up and try to get pregnant (not in those exact words), and that one of my fallopian tubes might be blocked, it was so great to see the pinks lines match.
But back to today. It’s only day 11, so let’s hope the pinkness happens tomorrow.
You want me to back up a bit eh? Yeah, the possible blocked tube. When the gyno operated on me, he said that there is some scarring on the outside of my liver which he suspects could have been due to some kind of STD infection I once suffered from but never had treated. Don’t ever remember every being diagnosed with an STD but then again, he thinks I never even knew I had it so no…. apparently we were all in the dark on that one!
So, as a result of the infection, he said there may also be some scarring inside the tubes which could have blocked them. However, he also concludes that my tubes look healthy and patent from the outside, and it’s too invasive to check if the insides are blocked so basically, just try anyway and hope to God I conceive.
My uterus is normal, and I know for sure my right ovary is healthy, so here’s hoping…..
Ax
Gettit?
Sorry if you’re lost. Just post a comment telling me I’d never make it as a teacher, and I’ll try and explain better.
So anyway, just in case I decide to ovulate early this cycle, I tested for the surge today. No surge. Should surge tomorrow. Will be confused if I don’t surge because last month, which happened to be the first month I tested for LH, I surged on Day 12. I was very excited. After having a GP telling me to go straight to IVF, and a gyno telling hubby and I to hurry the hell up and try to get pregnant (not in those exact words), and that one of my fallopian tubes might be blocked, it was so great to see the pinks lines match.
But back to today. It’s only day 11, so let’s hope the pinkness happens tomorrow.
You want me to back up a bit eh? Yeah, the possible blocked tube. When the gyno operated on me, he said that there is some scarring on the outside of my liver which he suspects could have been due to some kind of STD infection I once suffered from but never had treated. Don’t ever remember every being diagnosed with an STD but then again, he thinks I never even knew I had it so no…. apparently we were all in the dark on that one!
So, as a result of the infection, he said there may also be some scarring inside the tubes which could have blocked them. However, he also concludes that my tubes look healthy and patent from the outside, and it’s too invasive to check if the insides are blocked so basically, just try anyway and hope to God I conceive.
My uterus is normal, and I know for sure my right ovary is healthy, so here’s hoping…..
Ax
Attempt number four
I’m thinking this post best be devoted to laying down some basic foundations of who I am, and where I’m at, on the baby trail.
We’re not one of those couples who one decides to start trying out of the blue. We were TOLD that if we want children, we had to ram out foot on the accelerator!
I’m 36 with an ovarian reserve level of 11. Slightly under what the reserve should be, but still fine to conceive (so I’ve been told).
Four months ago, I had my second laparoscopy to remove a cyst from my left ovary, which was made up of endometriomal tissue and a bit of endo (since removed). Post-op check-up, my partner (hereto referred to as "Bob". Not "Bob" but seeing as I haven't asked his permission to put his name here, better call him "Bob) and I were told to ‘put the accelerator’ on because of my age and history with endo.
Bob is 30, young, verile and god love him, enthusiastic to start a family. He’s amazing with kids and wonderful and kind-hearted to boot. Besides getting pregnant, I couldn't want anything more.
So, we’re about to start attempt number four. We’re giving it six months to try naturally, then if that doesn’t work, we’ll pursue IVF. Six months is tops for me because I'm just way too fearful the cyst will grow back, which will hamper our babies efforts.
While I’m not going as far as charting temperatures, I AM doing pre-ovulation testing by clocking the LH surge. By that I mean I’m weeing in a plastic container as small and as shallow as a pikelet, whacking a stick into it, and if the pink line matches the control line, it means that the hormone signaling I’m about to ovulate is on the rise means I’m about to pop out some eggs baby!
The surge last for 36 hours, so you can guess what Bob and I are doing for the next day and a half.
My Chinese Doctor is wonderful. I sometimes think of him as Dr Wow. Remember Charlotte's Dr. Mao (Dr Wow) from Sex and the City? Well, my doctor is also Chinese, he was a Doctor in fact in China and.. his name is Dr. Ma. So, apart from the "O" at the end of his name, he is now formally my Dr. Wow. He has cured me from everything I've had in the last two years so I figured considering he also helps with fertility, I'd put my faith in his fertility powers...
Ax
We’re not one of those couples who one decides to start trying out of the blue. We were TOLD that if we want children, we had to ram out foot on the accelerator!
I’m 36 with an ovarian reserve level of 11. Slightly under what the reserve should be, but still fine to conceive (so I’ve been told).
Four months ago, I had my second laparoscopy to remove a cyst from my left ovary, which was made up of endometriomal tissue and a bit of endo (since removed). Post-op check-up, my partner (hereto referred to as "Bob". Not "Bob" but seeing as I haven't asked his permission to put his name here, better call him "Bob) and I were told to ‘put the accelerator’ on because of my age and history with endo.
Bob is 30, young, verile and god love him, enthusiastic to start a family. He’s amazing with kids and wonderful and kind-hearted to boot. Besides getting pregnant, I couldn't want anything more.
So, we’re about to start attempt number four. We’re giving it six months to try naturally, then if that doesn’t work, we’ll pursue IVF. Six months is tops for me because I'm just way too fearful the cyst will grow back, which will hamper our babies efforts.
While I’m not going as far as charting temperatures, I AM doing pre-ovulation testing by clocking the LH surge. By that I mean I’m weeing in a plastic container as small and as shallow as a pikelet, whacking a stick into it, and if the pink line matches the control line, it means that the hormone signaling I’m about to ovulate is on the rise means I’m about to pop out some eggs baby!
The surge last for 36 hours, so you can guess what Bob and I are doing for the next day and a half.
My Chinese Doctor is wonderful. I sometimes think of him as Dr Wow. Remember Charlotte's Dr. Mao (Dr Wow) from Sex and the City? Well, my doctor is also Chinese, he was a Doctor in fact in China and.. his name is Dr. Ma. So, apart from the "O" at the end of his name, he is now formally my Dr. Wow. He has cured me from everything I've had in the last two years so I figured considering he also helps with fertility, I'd put my faith in his fertility powers...
Ax
Trying for a Baby
Women trying to conceive or just simply interested parties, I hope you enjoy my rambling, updates, emotions, news, tips, advice, call-out for advice, and anything and everything you can think of when it comes to trying to have a baby.
Because, my partner and I are trying to have one.
As the title suggests, it definitely all started with a baby drawer. No sooner had we decided to start trying, that I went and purchased a few items consisting of bottles, dummies, singles, wipies, and other bits and pieces and put them all in a drawer by my bed – the baby drawer. I put it all down to positive visualisation. At times, I open the drawer next to my bed and look at them – sometimes handling them – visualising that I’m using them for my baby.
Might sound a bit loopy of me, but I truly believe in positive thinking. It doesn’t hurt, right?
So, if you’re currently thinking of becoming a mum, or trying to become a mum, you might relate to my journey. I’d also LOVE your feedback. Why? It’s always nice to have a ‘little help from my friends’ and anyone out there in a similar situation to me is a friend indeed.
Happy reading, and happy conceiving,
Anna x
Because, my partner and I are trying to have one.
As the title suggests, it definitely all started with a baby drawer. No sooner had we decided to start trying, that I went and purchased a few items consisting of bottles, dummies, singles, wipies, and other bits and pieces and put them all in a drawer by my bed – the baby drawer. I put it all down to positive visualisation. At times, I open the drawer next to my bed and look at them – sometimes handling them – visualising that I’m using them for my baby.
Might sound a bit loopy of me, but I truly believe in positive thinking. It doesn’t hurt, right?
So, if you’re currently thinking of becoming a mum, or trying to become a mum, you might relate to my journey. I’d also LOVE your feedback. Why? It’s always nice to have a ‘little help from my friends’ and anyone out there in a similar situation to me is a friend indeed.
Happy reading, and happy conceiving,
Anna x
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